Eleven Commandments of Negotiation

Thought of penning this down, and hope the speaker don't mind of me sharing. I find the speaker Mr. David Goldwich's talk one of the best amongst other outstanding speeches during the past PMI Symposium2012 just took place on Oct4-5 in Marina Bay Sands Convention.

Had heard of David (a lawyer turned trainer) before few years back in an SPMI talk, and bought his "Why did Chicken cross the road" book (haven't read it yet :P)

Have to say his talk is both entertaining and enlightening. Here is the gist.

Negotiation is actually Joint Problem Solving. It should be viewed more as a game, with a timeline to meet, and tactics to use, and ideally should play out to be Win/Win for both parties. And key thing is: "to have fun along the process."

Here comes The Eleven Commandments of Negotiations

1. Negotiation is a process

Prep & Strategize --> Info exchange --> Opening and making Concession --> Closing and gaining Commitment


2. Appreciate the power of Anchor Points

Has to be more aggressive on first Offer or first Counter offer, so as not to set at losing ground upfront


3. Never accept the First offer

Else regret and keep thinking was it a really good deal


4. Look beneath position to uncover interest

Distinguish between Want and Need, by asking questions!


5. A currency is anything of value

Identify currencies and look for ways to create Value


6. Treat every "No" as temporary position.

Ask why not. Turn No into a Yes (like children stubbornness)


7. Compromise only as last resort.

Not too soon!


8. Always have a Plan B.

Diminish Plan B of your opponent, too.


9. Never give something for nothing.

Else your opponent will keep asking for more!


10. Give an ultimatum only if you mean it - and do it gently.

Avoid the fallacy trap, of threatening with wrong intent. Will just backfire if luck is not on your side.


11. Make it easy to say 'Yes'

Bonus:

12. Don't let an Impasse get you down

Bonus of bonus:

13. Always have extras, reserve, buffer

That's it folks. I hope you can have more fun in Negotiating next time round. :)

Heaven is for Real

Got this book while I was browsing for CD instead in Popular Marine Parade branch. It's not the title that attracted me, but the toddler's big smile, and Don Piper's words. If Don Piper's 90mins in Heaven is the adult version of heavenly encounters, this little kid named Colton Burpo's 3 mins stay is certainly the kids no nonsense straight to the point version :)

Cutting the story short, this kid Colton when the ordeal happened (with a ruptured appendices not identified correctly and cured in time, dragged for days, almost caused him to die), the boy was about 4years.

With his miraculous recovery from death bed (it was his earth father's prayer answered - happens to be a pastor too), Colton started to recall his experiences in bits and pieces, very often shocking his parents.

Few points are especially touching:
o. That his not yet born sister was comforting and hugging him when he was first ascended to heaven

o. That his never met great grand father also spent time with him, and supported him (appearance in youth day though)

o. That how Jesus looks like, with white robe, purple sash, sitting at right side of God's throne. God is super big size. Gabriel sitting on God's left side.

o. That there's no darkness in Heaven. Everyone having wings (different sizes though). He even saw Satan, but declined to elaborate or even to mention it.

o. That how Jesus loves children. He repeated it many many times. How he was sitting in Jesus' lap.

o. That he didn't want to come back to Earth, but Jesus had to answer his dad's desperate even accusing prayer

The book is an easy read. My eyes keep welling up when I was reading the reminisce of the author (Colton's dad) about what happened to himself, his son and family as a whole when they went through those crucial days - really a matter of life and death.

There is a website on this too, and you can check out a great video on Colton when he has grown up into big teen now :) after like 7-8 years.

http://www.heavenisforreal.net

One thing I am sure is I will hug my boys at home more often, and pray to Jesus and God more frequent too (not just when in need or emergency) as they do answer every single one of our prayers, 24x7.

If you want to know how Jesus looks like, according to Colton, this prodigy Akiane's portrait is closest, almost perfect. Have a look out too!

http://newconnexion.net/articles/index.cfm/2006/03/Akiane_Kramarik.html

http://www.artakiane.com

To Heaven, and Back

This is definitely a great book not to be missed. I have been reading book after book ever since my last book review. Some finished, some still in progress. One book leads to another - in fact, the immediate one I have been reading is about recognizing signs that our spirit (soul) trying to communicate and guide us. Not too much about analyzing (individual facts) but interpreting (looking at the big picture).

I have to say my elder son always bring me to discover new book. In fact, he was the one urging me to find him more new book on Big Nate - his recent sensation. :)

Got this book on Sat afternoon from a local Borders like bookstore and I had the urge to finish it ASAP. Get it done with in a day. This book is just fascinating - no complicated story - all stories told from heart. The author is a spine surgeon - married with 4 kids, and run into a near death experience while kayaking. Got a glimpse to heaven, but sent back to complete her unfinished business - to be the support to her family. The author went on to describe her encounters with Jesus and Angels - and got to know some spiritual exchanges while she was still in ICU.

My eyes moist and tears rolled (many times) when I was reading the part about her eldest son need to depart, at age 19, from a tragic car accident. (that was part of reasons she was sent back to earth to keep her family strong after the loss of their beloved son, brother, young leader)

This little book reassures that Heaven and God does exist. God is Love, and we will never walk alone. God cares for every single one of us, and is ever ready to intervene and help us whenever we are in need.

Do check out the author's website when you have time. www.drmaryneal.com

Let me end this post with this sentence I particular like (roughly) 'We are like threads in a tapestry that forms a grand picture and flying high in the sky (or universe). We wouldn't know the grand design until when we are finished.'

The author actually shared these last parting words - she has been living these as her daily creed, which I find truly meaningful and remarkable. Hope you like it, too! :)

"God created us, knows us, loves us, and guides us. With love and grace, He commands us to:

# Rejoice in this knowledge always.

# Live a life of prayer, giving glory to God and continually listening for His Guidance.

# Live a life of gratitude, giving thanks in all circumstances."

The Healing Code

Long time no blog. Quite some time indeed. Had been reading many books, on DNA, TOEY way of life (yes, our big Toe does carry some significance), 2012 topic book, end of world prophecies, ultra slow jogging etc. But none carries as much impact as this book I am gonna to share.

Chance upon this when I happened to be in Popular bookshop, having member recommendation 30% sale, so bought it at a modest $11 dollars. Boy, the return is far above it ... many times.

I have to say even before I finish reading it, I can feel some change already happening to me, on the good side. Can't wait the time when I start to put it into practice, how it will help me to address some deep rooted issues at root cause level.

To cut this story short, the author is a medical doctor, but couldn't cure his wife who had suffered deep depression for 12 years. They tried all methods, seek all help, and spent countless money looking for the right cure.

It was in one day while the author was traveling in an aircraft that this healing method was literally downloaded into his brain out of the world. The author went on to refine it and test it for next 2-3 years before announcing it actually works, after many people had tried and testified it.

The healing code is a 6 minutes ritual (some finger pointing gestures) that is targeted at four energy centers in our body. It can work for oneself, or one can practice and apply to their love ones. The method addresses the deep rooted cause - bad cell memory response which needs a positive energy to neutralize it. We all have an immune system to trigger the self healing mechanism, however, it was due to stress and past bad memory that we are not able to release the needed right energy to combat it. In other words, we are trapped by our own fortress - partly due to our subconscious also trying to protect us from being hurt again.

The healing code is thus like a wave offsetting the distorted harmful energy wave, so that it becomes neutralized and body can take over and do the necessary healing, all at energy level.

There are many testimonials quoted throughout the book - some are not just physical illnesses, but others like human relationship, peak performance issues are all being healed, once oneself starts to practise the 4 healing codes. (I shall elaborate these 4 codes in another blog post, once I started and gained more experience on it)

The book is really testifying the Chinese idiom "心病��心��", direct translate into English is "need to address right to our heart on all the heart dis-ease matter". Throughout the book, it explains a lot on the how our heart (subconsciousness) actually wins over the our mind (consciousness), and anything not addressed the root cause at subconscious mind level will be short term and futile.

The analogy I particularly like is like a rechargeable vacuum cleaner may work after charging for a short period of time, but to provide the needed energy for it to work continuously, it needs to be plugged in to a wall pocket, which is like when one seeks and discovers the 'Truth'. Once knowing the truth, it will give the needed thrust and keep one going.

The English version is available in Times bookstore. I strongly urge you to give it a try - it may be the curing solution your heart has been longing for, and creates some un-imaginary result.

Disclaimer: Like the author says, pls don't replace it with main stream medication/ treatment that one is currently undergoing, but use it more like a supplement. Anyway, it's few minutes that it take, and by the time your body starts to see improvement, one will know when to stop treatment - just to prepare for some issues that have been embedded at deep level for so many years, it will take longer time for the positive energy to reach and complete the healing. Have faith and fun!! :)

Day Dreaming can also make Dreams come true!

Read this book by a Japanese pscho therapist on how to make dream come true. What strikes me is towards the ending part: one cannot share with others on which one does not already possess. "To share happiness, one should already be a happy person". How simple truth it is!

This book is full of graphical pictures. So animated to an extent that as if I am reading a comic book. Guess the intent is to appeal to our sub conscious mind also so as to form picture and build association. Apart from colorfulness, the exercises in the book always ask reader to visualize and imagine the form, color, sound, smell, weight of our self image/ character/ strengths/ weaknesses, which I find unusual and intrigue.

There was an exercise that interested me most, i.e. to visualize and trace back the past "me" in a sad moment/ event. Comfort him for his weakness and shortcomings, as without the past "me", there wouldn't be current "me". The current "me" is then to pull the past "me" out from the mental movie and merge the past and present together into one, absorb it into my heart, and give it a heart felt thanks, and promise to grow together from this point onwards.

Likewise, the other vivid pictorial exercise is to visualize the Demerits (form, color, temp, smell etc) on one hand (I mean physical hand), and visualize our Merits on the other hand, say "thanks" to our merits, and say "sorry" to our demerits, merge them together and accept who we are, treasure what we have and be what we want ourselves to be deep down our heart.

Indeed, if we can follow the river flow of happiness, not against the stream, we would have won half of the battle, just need to steer back when we are off course, and shall reach destination in a bliss.

But why people still not able to achieve their dreams even if they already know what they want and set the sail in the right course?

The answer to this are 4 key preparation steps, to equip our ourself first before jumping into our sailing boat!

1. Let go unnecessary emotional baggages (past bad experiences, wrong beliefs, etc) that are dragging our feet and sinking the boat

2. Truly accept ourselves with all the merits and demerits

3. Bridge the gap between dream and reality - by practicing "permission". Using this technique in our daily affirmation, it imposes less stress then using "should", "must", "don't", "can't". By allowing things to happen, we are giving control back to ourself. I permit/ allow as I chose to.

4. Gain an insight to the future: by asking our sub conscious for help. Visualize ourself as an animal, a plant or an object (whatever comes to our mind immediately) and see us from their perspective. It will give us insight, on the future direction, or solution to the problem that is bothering us.

Even if we have tried all these but still not seeing any results, it could mean that our current status quo is best for us. After all, our sub conscious mind knows what's best and in store for us, and will unveil itself in the right time when we are ready. The key again is to follow the flow :).

This author also pointed out a common thread, that I have seen from other JP author on the sub conscious subject.

That is: we should give ourself on things we would want to give to others. In other words, if we want people to love us more, we should love ourselves more. If you want to be kind to people, you should be more kind to yourself.

I am ready to love myself more (not narcissism lah), how about you my fren? :)

F.Y.I. - For Your Improvement

Ever wonder how many times you have to give feedback to own self, co-workers or even superiors- and we run out of words- or aptly put, run out of concrete feedback that is reflective enough and can lead to an actionable improvement plan?

I didn't have a good spell on it either until I attended a training workshop organized by my company on crafting personal development plan this morning. The speaker is none other than my HR Director. I can see the speaker is really passionate about the subject. The accompany FYI book (pic), from Korn/Ferry international, powered by Lominger Competency is really an excellent reference book that I can turn to for guidance as needed.

There are broadly 3 phrases in any of the personal development cycle:

a) Realization phase - this is where we identify areas needing improvement to make us from unskilled to skillful. By skillful means become second nature, it usually takes roughly about 9 to 12 months

b) "How to" phase - this is where we formulate action plan to bridge the gap. Can draw from the FYI book the Causes, Learning Mapping and then sample Action plan to act on it. Development opportunities can be via Experience (70% - eg actual work, on job training), Exposure (20% - eg mentor, role model) and Education (10% - eg course, reading)

c) Reflection phase - stock take, review and re-calibrate where necessary

Few key takeaways I have after this fruitful morning, thanks to the speaker pointed out, which I agree totally:

1. Be Specific when working on area of improvement. Once identified and confirmed, start to put into practice on daily or regular basis, until a new neurological pattern is formed (i.e. becomes habitual).

2. Don't overlook the Basics. Go back to fundamentals and build a solid foundation building blocks on top of each other.

3. Learning is an ever evolving process, and it should never cease.

Human beings are still more receptive to praises than criticisms. Next time when hearing negative feedback, first thing come to our mind should be these two words:

"THANK YOU"

After self evaluation, though it will take time to correct bad habit and replace with a new good one, we should appreciate and be thankful to people taking the effort to give us feedback.

I am ready to learn the basics again. What about you? :)

Using the Right Words in Speech

I attended another short training course on how to use the right words in speech organized by Civil Service Club over the weekend. It was a morning well spent. The instructor happen to be the same lady teaching PhotoReading that I also attended just 2 weeks ago. Was planning to write a blogpost about Photo-read, guess will have to do it later when I have a better grasp on the subject.

Back to this "Right Words" talk. It's full of practicality, thus time passed really fast.

The gist of it is: To elicit the right response that we desire to achieve during communication, we need to address it correctly at the recipient's subconscious mind level.

Ultimately, the thoughts that we have since young and upbringings, environment, teachings and experiences, and our constant inner chatters have already form a pattern that becomes part of our belief system, which is being stored in our sub conscious mind to guard and protect us, on an auto pilot basis. To get the right message across, we need to lower this instinctive guard, by utilizing below methods. Read on. I hope you can pick up a few tricks here. :)

A. Avoid the Words that shutdown the subconscious mind, these are the Fight/ Flight words that the reptilian part of brain particular sensitive:

Don't, Must/ Have to, You Always/ Never, You Better, Ought/ Should, Cannot, I told you so, It's not true, I don't agree, But/ However

B. The magic words that elicit right/ better response, like:

***"Don't" Language Pattern***
#1) Don't + "what I want" language pattern
This needs a little elaboration here. Like the saying goes: What you resist, persist. Instead of saying "Don't run" to kids (and the kids run even further, agree?), If you say "Dont"+"you want to come over and walk with me?" will be more effective. Another example. Instead of saying "Don't be lazy". Try saying "Don't" "you want to finish your home work first so that you have more time to play?"

***Humility builds credibility***
#2) "Would it be ok" if ...
Ask permission, lower the guard, and be more open mind, open heart
Eg Would it be okay if I come over and meet you at 2pm tomorrow afternoon? Would sound better than
I would like to meet you at 2pm ...

#3) "Probably"
Eg You probably already know this ...
Gives the benefits of doubt, give other people credit

***From Telling to Guilding***
#4) "Might/ Maybe"
#5) "Perhaps"

To make these "responsive" words work its magic, we have to bear in mind the 3 golden rules i.e. Most people want to:
1. Be Right
2. Have a choice/ choices
3. Move away from pain and towards pleasure

With the right Intent in mind, it's not about manipulative. Safely practise it! Have a great week ahead folks! :)

My Word is Law!

Bought this book from PageOne Vivocity during the period when storewide sale was at 50% off for members. Not sure when its final closing date will be. Its a real pity that another good bookshop is closing down :(

Anyway, I have been reading this interesting book for a number of times. Of all the books on sub conscious mind I been exposed to, this one clearly stands out. The concepts really attune and stick to my mind, hopefully for long! :)

To achieve great success and the results we desire, one needs to simply attune our two minds (conscious and subconscious) to have a common goal, and let them work hand in hand together in tandem. It's that simple.

However, it's also hard truth that we can't achieve even those seemingly easy goals simply because our two minds are not in concerto. Very often due to our subconscious mind is pulling our leg or sabotaging in one way or other. But WHY does our subconscious mind do that, and HOW to overcome this?

Answers to these questions are easy though. Read on ...

Basically we need to know how our subconscious mind works, thus can communicate with it more effectively and have it help achieve whatever the conscious mind has set forth but facing difficulties with.

1. Law of Reversal (Opposite) 顛倒法則
2. Law of Regeneration (Rebirth) 重生法則
3. Law of Rhythm (Affirmation) 節奏法則
4. Law of Incantation (Spell) 咒語法則

On Oppositeness:
Our subconscious thinks oppositely, like in mirror. When someone praising you or commenting you for something, s/he is actually trying to praise/ comment for him/ herself. So stop criticizing other people from now onwards. Instead, the quickest and easiest way to win friends over is genuinely do more praises to others. Doing so in a way is to praise our own subconscious mind, once nourished, it will start to work magic.

The other powerful learning from thinking opposite sequence is about setting a solid Pivotal point to leverage. Very often our pivot is not set correctly, thus we can't achieve what we desire. Eg We often tell ourselves if/ when I have time, I will go gym. Guess how often we go then? Never! Instead, by shifting the pivot point to first stating: I will go gym. Our subconscious mind will help to fulfill it by finding ways to squeeze time. Its this paradigm shift of putting what we treasure (end goal) first that is important. Think differently and oppositely now! Think "I will excel (and opportunities will arise)", instead of "I will sure excel when opportunities arise".

On Regeneration:
Ever wonder why we need to sleep? It is for our bodily rest, but equally important is for our subconscious mind to emerge afresh. It takes time for the assimilation of new concept/ learning to gel with existing knowledge to complete. Sometimes it may take few nights or even longer! It's important to note not to hasten it, analogy: too frequent peeping into the fridge to see whether the pudding freezing is taking shape will just do no good to the formation. Sometimes the subconscious will create temporary setbacks or even complete failure to deter the conscious mind from interfering, why regeneration is taking place! When run into bottleneck, have a nap or walk to divert your (conscious) mind, and let the subconscious mind take over to continue tackle the problem on hand, it may just work wonders!

Ps: Since our body (physically) and our mind (mentally) are constantly being regenerated, it is clear that we are not bound by any past failures. Any past unpleasant experiences should not have any impact to future opportunities waiting for us. Believe you can change the course of your life from this moment, and you will! Everyday is a new start! Emile Coue once said this powerful motto "Everyday, in every way, I am getting better and better"

On Rythum:
Simply put, affirmation will not work if it's just mere repetition. To achieve its intent, one needs to weigh in the outcome (or past result). Once the subconscious mind is convinced of the results, it will form habit (be wary between good and bad ones). It's the getting used to this rythum (pattern) that keep us going. Set the right pace and direction and we are all set!

On Incantation:
To re-gain the power of our words and languages, one should be mindful and practice "do what I say". As simple as "I will drink this cup of water", once you have said it, better go and drink it. Start from small steps and really finish what we say we believe can achieve, we will be back to position that our subconscious mind will help us to achieve whatever we put forth, even it may seem a daunting task initially. This is when we achieve the state "My Word is Law". So be careful on what we think and speak, as the great Napoleon Hill once said the famous motto: "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve".

Think I better stop here, as the more I revise, will just add more contents and make it more lengthy. Have a good weekend folks! :)