Day Dreaming can also make Dreams come true!

Read this book by a Japanese pscho therapist on how to make dream come true. What strikes me is towards the ending part: one cannot share with others on which one does not already possess. "To share happiness, one should already be a happy person". How simple truth it is!

This book is full of graphical pictures. So animated to an extent that as if I am reading a comic book. Guess the intent is to appeal to our sub conscious mind also so as to form picture and build association. Apart from colorfulness, the exercises in the book always ask reader to visualize and imagine the form, color, sound, smell, weight of our self image/ character/ strengths/ weaknesses, which I find unusual and intrigue.

There was an exercise that interested me most, i.e. to visualize and trace back the past "me" in a sad moment/ event. Comfort him for his weakness and shortcomings, as without the past "me", there wouldn't be current "me". The current "me" is then to pull the past "me" out from the mental movie and merge the past and present together into one, absorb it into my heart, and give it a heart felt thanks, and promise to grow together from this point onwards.

Likewise, the other vivid pictorial exercise is to visualize the Demerits (form, color, temp, smell etc) on one hand (I mean physical hand), and visualize our Merits on the other hand, say "thanks" to our merits, and say "sorry" to our demerits, merge them together and accept who we are, treasure what we have and be what we want ourselves to be deep down our heart.

Indeed, if we can follow the river flow of happiness, not against the stream, we would have won half of the battle, just need to steer back when we are off course, and shall reach destination in a bliss.

But why people still not able to achieve their dreams even if they already know what they want and set the sail in the right course?

The answer to this are 4 key preparation steps, to equip our ourself first before jumping into our sailing boat!

1. Let go unnecessary emotional baggages (past bad experiences, wrong beliefs, etc) that are dragging our feet and sinking the boat

2. Truly accept ourselves with all the merits and demerits

3. Bridge the gap between dream and reality - by practicing "permission". Using this technique in our daily affirmation, it imposes less stress then using "should", "must", "don't", "can't". By allowing things to happen, we are giving control back to ourself. I permit/ allow as I chose to.

4. Gain an insight to the future: by asking our sub conscious for help. Visualize ourself as an animal, a plant or an object (whatever comes to our mind immediately) and see us from their perspective. It will give us insight, on the future direction, or solution to the problem that is bothering us.

Even if we have tried all these but still not seeing any results, it could mean that our current status quo is best for us. After all, our sub conscious mind knows what's best and in store for us, and will unveil itself in the right time when we are ready. The key again is to follow the flow :).

This author also pointed out a common thread, that I have seen from other JP author on the sub conscious subject.

That is: we should give ourself on things we would want to give to others. In other words, if we want people to love us more, we should love ourselves more. If you want to be kind to people, you should be more kind to yourself.

I am ready to love myself more (not narcissism lah), how about you my fren? :)

F.Y.I. - For Your Improvement

Ever wonder how many times you have to give feedback to own self, co-workers or even superiors- and we run out of words- or aptly put, run out of concrete feedback that is reflective enough and can lead to an actionable improvement plan?

I didn't have a good spell on it either until I attended a training workshop organized by my company on crafting personal development plan this morning. The speaker is none other than my HR Director. I can see the speaker is really passionate about the subject. The accompany FYI book (pic), from Korn/Ferry international, powered by Lominger Competency is really an excellent reference book that I can turn to for guidance as needed.

There are broadly 3 phrases in any of the personal development cycle:

a) Realization phase - this is where we identify areas needing improvement to make us from unskilled to skillful. By skillful means become second nature, it usually takes roughly about 9 to 12 months

b) "How to" phase - this is where we formulate action plan to bridge the gap. Can draw from the FYI book the Causes, Learning Mapping and then sample Action plan to act on it. Development opportunities can be via Experience (70% - eg actual work, on job training), Exposure (20% - eg mentor, role model) and Education (10% - eg course, reading)

c) Reflection phase - stock take, review and re-calibrate where necessary

Few key takeaways I have after this fruitful morning, thanks to the speaker pointed out, which I agree totally:

1. Be Specific when working on area of improvement. Once identified and confirmed, start to put into practice on daily or regular basis, until a new neurological pattern is formed (i.e. becomes habitual).

2. Don't overlook the Basics. Go back to fundamentals and build a solid foundation building blocks on top of each other.

3. Learning is an ever evolving process, and it should never cease.

Human beings are still more receptive to praises than criticisms. Next time when hearing negative feedback, first thing come to our mind should be these two words:

"THANK YOU"

After self evaluation, though it will take time to correct bad habit and replace with a new good one, we should appreciate and be thankful to people taking the effort to give us feedback.

I am ready to learn the basics again. What about you? :)

Using the Right Words in Speech

I attended another short training course on how to use the right words in speech organized by Civil Service Club over the weekend. It was a morning well spent. The instructor happen to be the same lady teaching PhotoReading that I also attended just 2 weeks ago. Was planning to write a blogpost about Photo-read, guess will have to do it later when I have a better grasp on the subject.

Back to this "Right Words" talk. It's full of practicality, thus time passed really fast.

The gist of it is: To elicit the right response that we desire to achieve during communication, we need to address it correctly at the recipient's subconscious mind level.

Ultimately, the thoughts that we have since young and upbringings, environment, teachings and experiences, and our constant inner chatters have already form a pattern that becomes part of our belief system, which is being stored in our sub conscious mind to guard and protect us, on an auto pilot basis. To get the right message across, we need to lower this instinctive guard, by utilizing below methods. Read on. I hope you can pick up a few tricks here. :)

A. Avoid the Words that shutdown the subconscious mind, these are the Fight/ Flight words that the reptilian part of brain particular sensitive:

Don't, Must/ Have to, You Always/ Never, You Better, Ought/ Should, Cannot, I told you so, It's not true, I don't agree, But/ However

B. The magic words that elicit right/ better response, like:

***"Don't" Language Pattern***
#1) Don't + "what I want" language pattern
This needs a little elaboration here. Like the saying goes: What you resist, persist. Instead of saying "Don't run" to kids (and the kids run even further, agree?), If you say "Dont"+"you want to come over and walk with me?" will be more effective. Another example. Instead of saying "Don't be lazy". Try saying "Don't" "you want to finish your home work first so that you have more time to play?"

***Humility builds credibility***
#2) "Would it be ok" if ...
Ask permission, lower the guard, and be more open mind, open heart
Eg Would it be okay if I come over and meet you at 2pm tomorrow afternoon? Would sound better than
I would like to meet you at 2pm ...

#3) "Probably"
Eg You probably already know this ...
Gives the benefits of doubt, give other people credit

***From Telling to Guilding***
#4) "Might/ Maybe"
#5) "Perhaps"

To make these "responsive" words work its magic, we have to bear in mind the 3 golden rules i.e. Most people want to:
1. Be Right
2. Have a choice/ choices
3. Move away from pain and towards pleasure

With the right Intent in mind, it's not about manipulative. Safely practise it! Have a great week ahead folks! :)

My Word is Law!

Bought this book from PageOne Vivocity during the period when storewide sale was at 50% off for members. Not sure when its final closing date will be. Its a real pity that another good bookshop is closing down :(

Anyway, I have been reading this interesting book for a number of times. Of all the books on sub conscious mind I been exposed to, this one clearly stands out. The concepts really attune and stick to my mind, hopefully for long! :)

To achieve great success and the results we desire, one needs to simply attune our two minds (conscious and subconscious) to have a common goal, and let them work hand in hand together in tandem. It's that simple.

However, it's also hard truth that we can't achieve even those seemingly easy goals simply because our two minds are not in concerto. Very often due to our subconscious mind is pulling our leg or sabotaging in one way or other. But WHY does our subconscious mind do that, and HOW to overcome this?

Answers to these questions are easy though. Read on ...

Basically we need to know how our subconscious mind works, thus can communicate with it more effectively and have it help achieve whatever the conscious mind has set forth but facing difficulties with.

1. Law of Reversal (Opposite) 顛倒法則
2. Law of Regeneration (Rebirth) 重生法則
3. Law of Rhythm (Affirmation) 節奏法則
4. Law of Incantation (Spell) 咒語法則

On Oppositeness:
Our subconscious thinks oppositely, like in mirror. When someone praising you or commenting you for something, s/he is actually trying to praise/ comment for him/ herself. So stop criticizing other people from now onwards. Instead, the quickest and easiest way to win friends over is genuinely do more praises to others. Doing so in a way is to praise our own subconscious mind, once nourished, it will start to work magic.

The other powerful learning from thinking opposite sequence is about setting a solid Pivotal point to leverage. Very often our pivot is not set correctly, thus we can't achieve what we desire. Eg We often tell ourselves if/ when I have time, I will go gym. Guess how often we go then? Never! Instead, by shifting the pivot point to first stating: I will go gym. Our subconscious mind will help to fulfill it by finding ways to squeeze time. Its this paradigm shift of putting what we treasure (end goal) first that is important. Think differently and oppositely now! Think "I will excel (and opportunities will arise)", instead of "I will sure excel when opportunities arise".

On Regeneration:
Ever wonder why we need to sleep? It is for our bodily rest, but equally important is for our subconscious mind to emerge afresh. It takes time for the assimilation of new concept/ learning to gel with existing knowledge to complete. Sometimes it may take few nights or even longer! It's important to note not to hasten it, analogy: too frequent peeping into the fridge to see whether the pudding freezing is taking shape will just do no good to the formation. Sometimes the subconscious will create temporary setbacks or even complete failure to deter the conscious mind from interfering, why regeneration is taking place! When run into bottleneck, have a nap or walk to divert your (conscious) mind, and let the subconscious mind take over to continue tackle the problem on hand, it may just work wonders!

Ps: Since our body (physically) and our mind (mentally) are constantly being regenerated, it is clear that we are not bound by any past failures. Any past unpleasant experiences should not have any impact to future opportunities waiting for us. Believe you can change the course of your life from this moment, and you will! Everyday is a new start! Emile Coue once said this powerful motto "Everyday, in every way, I am getting better and better"

On Rythum:
Simply put, affirmation will not work if it's just mere repetition. To achieve its intent, one needs to weigh in the outcome (or past result). Once the subconscious mind is convinced of the results, it will form habit (be wary between good and bad ones). It's the getting used to this rythum (pattern) that keep us going. Set the right pace and direction and we are all set!

On Incantation:
To re-gain the power of our words and languages, one should be mindful and practice "do what I say". As simple as "I will drink this cup of water", once you have said it, better go and drink it. Start from small steps and really finish what we say we believe can achieve, we will be back to position that our subconscious mind will help us to achieve whatever we put forth, even it may seem a daunting task initially. This is when we achieve the state "My Word is Law". So be careful on what we think and speak, as the great Napoleon Hill once said the famous motto: "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it will achieve".

Think I better stop here, as the more I revise, will just add more contents and make it more lengthy. Have a good weekend folks! :)